Holding Back Feelings will Save You From Everyone but Yourself

Posted by | June 22, 2016 | Blog | No Comments

Does anyone else avoid getting excited in order to avoid disappointment???

Disappointment is my least favorite emotion. Over the years I think I was disappointed too many times, and it shaped how I interact with the world now.

My NATURAL state is immediate and irrational excitement about everything. The state I actually live in is whatever is the opposite of that LOL.

Too many broken promises, broken plans, harsh words in what were meant to be proud moments. To many ideal pictures of moments that never came. They just took their toll.

I put off excitement now until I am 100% sure, and usually by then, it’s too late.

Honestly half the fun of something great is the anticipation and excitement BEFORE it happens. I don’t do that.

I plan, I take care of details and I think. Oh lord do I think. But I do not get excited the way I would love to.

When people ask me if I am excited about something my usual response is that I’ll be excited when it gets here.

I almost look at them like they are insane.Why are you asking me about something next week, next month, or next year? *weirdo*

I have taught myself not to look forward to things, to protect myself, and it has led to less experiencing of life, and more checking things off lists.

If you’ve read either of my posts on that subject over the last couple of weeks, I’ve really been working on actually experiencing my life, instead of just checking boxes.

I know this sounds crazy, but I also know that I’m not the only one.

As a society we have learned to calm down our children, quiet one another, assume that people will fail, and hide our dreams from people.

No one wants to be that idiot that got excited about something that didn’t work out, AGAIN lol. I know I certainly didn’t share my goals, or excitement, about being a coach with anyone for years.

I’m always half in emotionally. Slightly guarded. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I do it with business, with travel, with friendships, you name it.

I think one thing I get really excited about is food hahaha! You can ask my husband when I’m making something I love for dinner or we’re going out to eat =P

I am not sharing this because I have a plan or solution. I just know I do not want to treat motherhood this way, and I sort of already am.

Someone recently messaged me and said “I can tell you’re getting excited about starting a family from your pinterest!”.

I went along with it because how awkward is: “Well no not really, I don’t have that emotion I just like to plan ahead and like my pin boards super organized” LOL?!?!?

Here is the thing though:

We all need to acknowledge that the pendulum of emotion swings both ways. It will only swing to one side, as far as it does the other.

That means you have to feel the bad, in order to ever feel the good. You can live in the middle, like I have most of my life, and feel “safe” but you’ll never really be happy.

Most of your energy will go into protecting your heart, and trying to stay as numb as possible. It might be drinking, food, shopping, TV, working out obsessively, or a number of other things, but you will numb yourself.

I DID THAT FOR YEARS.

If you are not like me, then I need you to be excited about everything, on all the stuff.

I’m not going to be, but you all are so good at being excited for me, and for everyone. You have no idea how far that goes and I love you for it <3 If you are like me, I want you to know you're not alone and I hope you're encouraged to try a little excitement today. Life can beat you down if you let it, but you don't have to let it! We have to risk feeling a little hurt or disappointment, in order to feel joy, love, and connection. I know it's hard, but think of everything that we are missing. It's time to take some of those walls down <3

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