Are You Seeking Approval in The Wrong Places?

This bathroom selfie popped up in my Facebook memories recently, and I just… paused.

I felt sad for the girl in that photo.

My husband even commented that I don’t dress like that anymore. I laughed, but honestly, he wasn’t wrong. And not for the reason you might think.

It’s not that there was anything wrong with how I looked. I’m not judging that version of me or anyone else who dresses that way. You do you.

But I know why I dressed like that back then.

I was searching for something.

At that point in my life, I didn’t feel valuable. I didn’t feel secure. I didn’t feel seen. So when I started losing weight, I tried to make sure everyone noticed. More skin. More makeup. More attention.

I was chasing validation because I didn’t yet know how to give it to myself.

I had just lost about 65 pounds, and I thought that if I looked good enough, someone would finally see me as worthy. That approval felt like oxygen.

Looking back, I can see how much I relied on external validation. Compliments. Attention. Reactions. I wanted proof that I mattered.

And when I didn’t get it, I took it personally.

I picked fights.
I needed reassurance.
I used humor, control, and even guilt to feel secure.

Not because I was manipulative, but because I was hurting.

I spent years trying to earn love instead of believing I deserved it.

What’s wild is how much changed once I stopped chasing validation and started working on myself instead.

The more I focused on personal growth, the less I needed approval.
The more I respected myself, the less I needed attention.
The more I focused on contribution instead of comparison, the lighter everything felt.

I learned that confidence doesn’t come from how you look or how many people notice you. It comes from alignment. From integrity. From becoming someone you actually trust.

And no amount of dieting, shopping, or external praise can replace that.

That kind of change comes from inner work. From learning. From therapy. From coaching. From reflection. From being willing to grow.

There is no workout, meal plan, or glow-up that can replace self-worth.

Not every transformation is physical. And not every physical transformation leads to healing.

The real work is internal.

So if you’re in a season where you’re questioning who you are, craving validation, or feeling disconnected from yourself, please know this: nothing is wrong with you.

You’re just being invited to grow.

And that kind of growth changes everything.