Boundaries matter all year round. There are boundaries in relationships, boundaries at work, boundaries with your children, extended family boundaries, and so much more.
During the holidays there are specific boundaries that play a bigger role, or might feel harder to set. Setting boundaries can completely transform your holiday season.
In this book we are going to cover:
- Boundaries Around Your Time
- Boundaries Regarding Money
- Boundaries About Food and Your Body
- Boundaries About Fitness and Body Image
- Boundaries to Protect Your Mental Health
- Boundaries Around Your Expectations
- Boundaries About Important Traditions
- Boundaries with Family
- Boundaries with Your Children
- Boundaries with Work
I am also including a page of resources I have personally used to learn boundary setting, and understand myself!
Take the Holiday Boundaries Quiz
Take this short quiz to find out which boundaries you need most this holiday season.
Why should you care what I have to say?
I grew up in a family with absolutely no boundaries. If there were such a thing as negative boundaries, like minus on the boundary scale, we would have been there.
Everyone told everyone’s secrets, guilt trips were our native language, and saying no was blasphemy. People went into debt to buy gifts, there was way too much alcohol, and I think maybe all the women were competing for who would be the biggest martyr for their kids. Self sacrifice was a badge of honor and busy was a permanent state of being.
The more you could do, the more valuable you were and the less you needed, the more you were liked. Unless you were having a crisis. That was a great way to get attention. We were always up for a good drama.
As you can imagine I grew up to be totally healthy, well adjusted, and responsible.
>insert hysterical laughter here<
In reality I grew up to be codependent as hell, disguised as an “I don’t need anyone” independent woman. I was wildly inappropriate with my finances, my food, my alcohol, and my relationship choices.
I worked too much, enabled people, and sacrificed myself at every turn. I binge ate, “never had time” to workout, and slept erratically. I ended up 130 pounds overweight, bankrupt, divorced (twice) and angry.
It was the hottest mess in every category. I was so confused about how I “did everything for everyone” and someone ended up here. I didn’t understand how this kept happening to me. I worked so hard, I loved so big, and I never needed anything. Shouldn’t I be winning? Where the f@%# was that trophy???
On the brink of my second divorce, at the suggestion of a friend, I dug into codependency. I was surprised to learn that my “strong independent woman” who “takes care of everyone” personality was actually not healthy or normal. I went to CoDA (codependency anonymous) meetings for 3 years.
In that time I also devoured books, I took courses, and I started taking control of my finances. I all but quit drinking, I took major control of my health, and learned to budget.
As I am writing this I am in a healthy and strong body, I have savings in the bank, I don’t even know the last time I had a drink, and I have healthy relationships with my friends. I co-parent respectfully, and I have an incredible work life balance.
I attribute ALL of these changes to boundaries.
While I could write hundreds of pages on setting boundaries in general, I see a huge need for boundaries when it comes to the holidays. Each of the boundaries that are vital for success year round, are greatly exacerbated by the holiday season. It’s exponentially more difficult.
It is my hope that I may shorten your learning curve when it comes to setting boundaries. Hopefully what has taken me 6 years so far, will take you far far less.
I am sending you into the holiday season with my absolute warmest wishes, as well as massive faith that you are capable of creating your own destiny.
YOU CAN DO THIS.