I have been helping others with fitness, finance and relationship goals for the past 5 years. It hasn’t always been this easy to just let things go and stay unaffected by other people. During the first year that I focused on building my women’s weight loss program, I started an in person “Fit Club” that was free for anyone who wanted to get started on a journey.
For those who have followed my Coaching journey since the beginning, you may remember that I was still quite overweight then, and not in a very good shape yet. It was sort of embarrassing to say that I was going to help others, but I put it out there anyway. My Fit Club eventually did grow, however during that first year, a lot of times, people didn’t show up at all. And no joke, it was painful. It sucked. I kept thinking what more do I have to do I’m giving it away here LOL?
From day one I decided to give it my all. I said to myself, I’m going to make a commitment for one year and I will never miss a fit club. I didn’t go on trips. I didn’t do a lot of things that year because my fit club was on Saturday mornings. I decided that I was going to be the person that’s here no matter what. People don’t come for a few weeks, that’s fine, they know that I will be there when they come back. I DON’T NEED THEM TO BE CONSISTENT, I NEED TO BE CONSISTENT. And I owned that, it was on me.
The Struggle Was Real
I had the fit club and I committed to it for a year right, yes but it was NOT magic. It did not go great at the start. But eventually, it bloomed and started to go well. And then one day, I got these two girls working in the office below my day job to come. They told me that they were doing the crazy HCG diet as a weight loss plan and they couldn’t work out. And I was like “Oh sweet Jesus, right, I’m not going to have any of that.” LOL. Not on my watch.
I got them to join me in my fit club eventually. They never bought anything from me, they didn’t have any interest in my services as a personal coach – they don’t have any interest in that – but at least they came. And I was grateful. More bodies, more energy, right?
It so happened that one day, the speakers didn’t work, and they caused an unpleasant scene because of it. Not only were they actually catty about it and rude to me in front of people, but they went to my meetup.com site and reviewed the event negatively. MY FREE EVENT.
After that session and after I read their review online, I went home to my other half, all like “these girls are being mean to me.” and crying out of frustration. In short, I was in third grade all over again. Super mature =P I took their negative reaction really personally. All I was thinking was “I’m giving this everything I have and still they were that ungrateful. And if this is my best, and it still wasn’t good enough, what am I even doing here? Why am I even thinking I can have a career at coaching?”
That’s the biggest negative experience I had early on as a Team Beachbody Coach, and it took me a really long time to shake it off. I remember, my energy for the next couple of fit club sessions was really bad. It was like I touched something hot and even though I wasn’t near the hot stove, I still recoiled. I wasn’t ready to try again, and I became a little closed-off. My poor-me attitude changed the whole energy of the meet-up group. What had grown to something substantial – 10 to 15 women every time – started to get lower in numbers. I realized, very quickly, that if I continued to make it about ME, then I was going to lose EVERY SINGLE ONE of them. Instead of focusing on them and just loving the people who WERE willing to let me help them with their weight loss goals, I was pushing them away by being so caught up in other people’s criticism. They negative people weren’t even there and I was still letting them win!
Why? Because I’m focused on myself, instead of others. I was focused on me, and not on my members. And that’s when it falls apart. When we lose our heart of service in this business, everything falls apart. My ego was winning, my pride was winning, everything except the people I was trying to help.
If you CHOOSE to take something personally, understand that you’re basically letting your ego run the show. You’re basically being a self absorbed jerk-off. People who take things personally don’t like to hear that because they’re pretty sensitive, clearly. No one wants to be called out on being selfish and narcissistic right?
I want you to think about that. No, SERIOUSLY, think about.
If you are focused on you, like “Oh this person left because of something I did,” or “This person said no because of me,” you’re being selfish. Keep in mind that it’s not your life. It’s their life. They have their own stuff and baggage. You don’t have any idea what they’re experiencing. You don’t have any idea of what they’re going through. I assure you, they are too busy worrying about themselves to be fussing over you.
People are rude to me on a daily basis. You should see the emails I get. It’s cool. I’m the master of being super nice and giving back nothing but love. What’s really cool is that it genuinely doesn’t bother me anymore. Now I can see that the person is in pain, and that the person is simply not ready. They may never be. I can relate. I bet you can too.
I remember when I wasn’t ready. I remember when I was in pain. I remember when my own insecurities kept me closed off, negative, skeptical…I get it.
The Heart of the Service
Now I’ve called you a selfish jerk at this point, but haven’t given you any tools to correct it. I hope I can change the way you think about this and really help you drop the ego and embrace a heart of service.
Let’s do a little exercise: I want you to think of yourself as a waitress. You’re waiting tables in a really nice restaurant. It’s your job to make sure people have an incredible experience. I mean THE BEST, they will leave here raving about the place.
So you’re a waitress and someone has been seated and has asked you what you recommend. You obviously know what’s the best stuff in the menu is. You make all these amazing recommendations, and you’re all excited about each of them, you paint a picture, suggest a wine, the whole 9 yards. Then they do not order ANY those items. Those amazing items that you know they would love, that you spend all that time explaining.
How does that change your service to them? In theory, it doesn’t change at all. If you are good at your job, NOTHING changes, because it’s not personal. It’s their choice. It is their meal, after all.
You want them to have an amazing experience, maybe because of the tip you hope to get LOL, but mainly because you want to do a good job. You give your best recommendation, and they didn’t follow through. Does that make you an incompetent waitress? Are you now bad at your job? No. What would make you a bad one is if in that moment your smile got a little less, or you’re a little less cheerful or you’re a little less happy to help them because your feelings are hurt that they didn’t want the damn salmon. That’s what would make you a bad waitress. That’s when you’re no longer doing your job with a heart of service.
You have moved on from wanting them to have an amazing experience to wanting to be right. How the hell does that help? It doesn’t right? In this scenario this actually sounds totally ridiculous doesn’t it? Yet it IS the same.
So, the next time someone doesn’t do what you want, I want you to picture yourself as a waitress where your whole job is to try and make people have an amazing experience. And I want you to think to yourself, “Okay, what can I do to make sure they’ll have an incredible time?”. Just quickly take the focus OFF of you, and put it back on to them. SERVE with love and your ego will stay in check!
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