My friend replied to one of my comments yesterday, that she has a hard time asking for help, or admitting days are hard as a mom of twins, because she wanted her babies so badly, after having infertility issues, so it made her feel guilty.
Then a friend posted in a private group, that she was really struggling with her pregnancy, but had no one to talk to because she seems ungrateful when she “complains” about anything to do with pregnancy.
Someone commented on a pic of mine that pregnant women shouldn’t ever worry about weight gain, because of all the women who cannot have children, after I mentioned that losing 110 pounds prior to this, made me very very scared to gain too much.
Why honest internal reply to these types of statements is WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F***?!?
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. Who would possibly try to make you feel bad for having a feeling???
I read an article this week, about a mom who took her own life during her struggle with postpartum depression.
In her suicide note she wrote “I’m so sorry that I didn’t know how to describe this pain and seek help,”
The fact that women are so afraid, creates this crazy isolation, and it’s not okay.
This is like telling our friends, who wanted to get married, to lock it up, and be grateful they even have a husband, when their marriage struggles.
Or telling our friend, who is so stressed during college exams that they aren’t sleeping or eating, that no one wants to hear it, because at least they get to go to college.
What about the friend that gets a demotion or pay cut at work, and doesn’t know how they are going to pay their bills, and feed their family?
Do we say hey you’re the one who wanted a house, just be glad you have a job at all?
I hope not. I hope we have a little human empathy that something sucks right now.
Just because you want something doesn’t mean it’s going to be unicorns and rainbows every single day.
Life is hard.
IT IS OKAY TO NEED HELP. Frankly you should expect it.
Humans are meant to be in community by nature. We are not built to accomplish alone.
You are not meant to quietly struggle, and live under the impression you’re the only one suffering.
Listen, from what I can tell so far, pregnancy sucks.
From the check ins at prenatal yoga, the 10+ pregnancy and mom groups I’m in, my friends stories, and personal experience, it appears the majority of women are in pain, emotional, scared and feeling alone.
Even the moms with easy pregnancies are struggling, because they feel left out of all the inside jokes and bonding that happens over the hard parts.
They feel alone too.
From the looks of things, motherhood is about a million times harder, so the feelings must be a million times crazier.
YES IT WILL BE WORTH IT. I get that.
But just like that college degree, that job, or that marriage you wanted so badly, it’s also going to be hard, and I will absolutely stand up and say YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.
You deserve support, help, and compassion mamas, NOT judgment.
I promise to keep it REAL with you here always, and hell if you just need to get it out you can text me lol!!!
You’re doing great. You are not alone. You can do this <3
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