What Do You Hear When Your Spouse Speaks?

Posted by | September 21, 2016 | Blog | No Comments

I packed Snow’s lunch on Sunday night, but I have no idea what he actually takes in his lunch.

On Monday I asked him “How was your lunch?” and he said, good, thanks for doing that. I need more food today, since I’m here until 6.

I picked out our apartment, massive research if you remember lol, and went and looked at them all, did all the leg work and paper work, etc. because I couldn’t believe how long his commute was.

I asked him yesterday, “How was your drive home?” and he said, eh…it’s shorter, but I think I need to take a different route.

These seem like regular answers to regular questions, but they are actually huge love opportunities, and also disappointment opportunities, for me.

You see, when he hears a question, he thinks I’m looking for an answer.

LOL silly men. Answers to questions. That’s too logical.

I’m not.

What I’m actually looking for is confirmation that I made the right choice. That I was useful and of value.

When I take the 5 Love Languages test, “Words of Affirmation” gets a big fat ZERO. I don’t need you to tell me I did a good job, or that I’m great, etc.

I’m a RESULTS person.

Don’t tell me you love the shirt I bought you, just send me a selfie wearing it, or tell me how you live in it.

Don’t tell me the kitchen gadget I got you is cool, tell me that you use it all the time and it saves you so much time with food prep.

Don’t tell me you appreciate the resource I shared, tell me how it helped your business or changed your life.

Don’t tell me that you appreciate all my hard work, tell me how much peace it brings you to come home to a clean house.

What happened as a result of my efforts?

Was I VALUABLE?

Anything less than “I’m so glad we moved, it is so much nicer driving home now!” or “Lunch was perfect, that saved me so much time” is basically just, “You’re not good enough, better luck next time” even though that is not at all what he’s saying.

This goes both ways of course. I like to tell him that him doing the dishes in the morning before week, makes my whole morning more peaceful.

He couldn’t give two sh*ts about my peaceful morning lol, he just wants to know if he did a good job doing the dishes!!!

Just a random observation about how people aren’t saying what you’re hearing, and we all love differently, in the best way we know how <3

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