A thought has been sitting with me since a conversation I had last Friday afternoon. I have a question for you all, yet some context is required to ask it. This will be worth your time.
I lived all over the country this year. Some places we spent a day in, others months. We put 40,000 miles on our car and tested the hell out of our budget and relationship LOL. Of all the places we went, there were only three that we spent a significant amount of time in: Florida, Oregon and Washington.
We were in each place for a couple of months. What was fascinating was how different each place was. Not the places really, you’ve seen one Target and Subway, you’ve seen them all LOL, but me. I was different in every place, and not subtly.
In Jacksonville I was very focused on my fitness. We had a really nice place, lived in a high end area. We had date night and got dressed up and spent more money on trendy food than anyone ever needs to spend. We worked, worked out, and went out. I wore a surprising amount of make-up and heels for being on a road trip :p We made a lot of money those few months and the materialistic feel fit just fine as I sipped my overpriced flavored martini.
Then we were in Bend. Anyone who has been following long enough to be around for that part knows that I left a little part of my soul there, or it left a part of itself in my soul. I woke up to sunrises and snowfall. We lived right on the river and there were animals everywhere. People were sparse and I took up running, not to be fit, but to be part of the surroundings. I ditched the make-up and heels for a sports bra tan line and sun streaked hair. The local red wine and kombucha were flowing and nature was calling my name at every turn.
Finally I went “home” to Seattle. We stayed at my sister’s house in Sumner with her amazing husband and two incredible children. Nothing mattered there but family and food. I worked next to no hours, yet still hit all my business goals. I worked around the kids stopping to tell me all about their latest lego creation and video game levels. I worked around long talks in the kitchen and ciders after dinner. Nothing mattered but days with Grandma, little girls birthdays and camping (not camping lol) trips.
So now we are in Austin, but not just for a few months. As far as we are concerned we are calling this home. I’m not the same woman that left San Diego. That Top 10 Coach who obsessed over paleo and refused to watch TV is gone. We sold almost everything we owned when we left, and I knew that meant new things, but I don’t think I understood how much it was going to mean a new me.
Someone asked me last week, now that I was in Austin, who did I think I’d be here.
My own answer shocked me. My answer to her was simply: I wonder, if people knew how easy it was to be anyone they wanted, would they still choose who they are?
You see, everyone you meet in your life only knows you from the moment you’ve met them. Anyone you think you were before that second just doesn’t exist at all. Every time you meet someone new, you are grated a split second to reinvent yourself.
Every time you decide what to wear, what to buy, where to go, how to spend your free time, what to listen to, what to watch, who to call … you are making a decision about who you are, and who you will be.
I am here and I have some choices to make. I’m not going to make them all today. This post doesn’t wrap up like a 30 minute sitcom.
The point is I GET to make them. I get to decide if I’ll be a gym rat, a runner, start crossfit or take up boxing. I’m going to be all in on paleo or keep it gluten free only? Am I a make-up girl or not? Do I like to drink or do I have something else entirely? To I grow my own food? How is my house decorated? What do I do for a living? What kind of wife am I? What kind of friend am I? Do I read? Do like to wear hats? YOU get to make them too.
These might seem like really trivial questions, but all of those choices make up your identity. You don’t have to leave the state to change who you are. Every second you are alive you are given a choice to be absolutely anyone you want, and the best part is, you can make a new choice tomorrow.
Nothing is permanent, least of all who you are.
I’m in a period of reinvention. In my business, my relationship, my finances and my spirit. I don’t know who I am going to be yet. All I know is that I’m writing this post from awesome new zebra bean bag chair and I am so f*cking excited to find out. I’m ready to meet the woman I’m going to become as a result of this path.
So … now that you know how easy it is to be whoever you want, who will you choose?