Why I’ve Always Said I’ll Never Have Kids

Posted by | July 22, 2015 | Blog, Lifestyle | No Comments
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As a successful Team Beachbody coach who has lost over 100 pounds, now makes 6 figures, and travels anywhere I want, it’s impossible not to look back at my life and see how far I’ve come. The girl from 4 years ago wouldn’t even recognize me! Today, I remember something from my past that made me want to share a story with you about where I come from, hoping that you’ll also realize something from it. Maybe find a little spark of your own.

Learning About Hard Work, Disappointment and Ice Cream 😉

I have this very clear memory from elementary school that I will probably never forget. You could call it as a sort of a tipping point, or a benchmark moment, despite the fact that I was so young. I have two younger sisters and in general our house was pretty crazy all the time. It was almost impossible for us to spend quality time with our parents 1-on-1 as much as we all wanted.

So here is the memory: There was an ice cream social in school, and I really wanted to go. I was a chubby little kid then, so it wasn’t surprising that I wanted to eat ice cream LOL.  Really though, I wanted my mom to be there because this was the perfect way for us to spend some time together. I wanted her to see my life, know my friends, just be part of the world I spent my days in.  I am sure there were a ton of times when something like this happened, but this was the one that stood out and stays with me. This was that moment when I realized something huge. At 8 years old I learned that the best way to avoid disappointment was to have no expectations.

I knew that she wasn’t coming. I knew that we were not gonna be able to go. I also realized that from then on, I needed to curb my expectations. I needed to have the ability to handle disappointment in advance. If I pushed my feelings and needs down, there would be no pain when they were ignored or not met. That’s how I’ve lived most my life.

Don’t get me wrong. My mom is an awesome mom. The only thing was that she worked her ass off. I mean seriously worked. Both of my parents did. I come from a blue collar family, with one of them a high school dropout and one of them with a GED. They really had to work extra hard for every penny.

She was a single mom when I was young, and she would answer phones at night while working at a label company at the same time. I even thought it was so cool because I always said she worked at a sticker factory hahaha. Labels and stickers are all the same when you’re a kid =P Even as I got older, she still had a day job and would work at the pizza place at night, she eventually opened her own daycare and worked from sun up to sun down. It was endless, it seems like she did nothing but work her whole life to provide for us.

Because of this, I grew up independent. I can do pretty much anything for myself and then turn around and take care of everyone else in the room when I’m done. Today, much of my identity is wrapped up in the need to put in hard work to get the money I need. In fact, I’ve always had this work ethic and it has served me well for the most part.

So what is the point of this? I’m not just writing you to tell you I’m sad I didn’t get to eat ice cream one time in elementary school…

It’s Not about the Money

In the coaching business, we sometimes talk about the money too much. I don’t think we talk about it ENOUGH. Quite honestly, being a coach is not about the actual money, but we do need to share the income side of things because of what it can do for people’s lives. Remember that people don’t get money so that they can roll around in it. They make money because of what they can DO WITH IT.

For me, my biggest core value why I’m doing all this is financial freedom. This means that I want to do what I want to do when I want do it.

 

My dad used to work in a body shop and there were seasons when the money was terrible, when there was just no work at all. Sure, he’d be around the house the entire time. But everybody would also be miserable knowing that he wasn’t bringing any money in and there was a fight waiting to happen. When the peak season comes in again, the money would be great. But he’d leave home when it was dark and come back home when it was dark, and we barely even saw him.

That’s not the life that I wanted for my kids.

I never really thought too much about it until I was all in as a Team Beachbody coach. The business made me realize that I could actually provide for my family someday. This is quite a turnaround, since there was a time when I didn’t even want kids. I just wasn’t interested in it at all. I decided early on that I was not gonna have kids if I wasn’t gonna be around. I wouldn’t have children and then end up missing all the moments in their lives because of work. I’d rather just not have them at all.

But as my relationship with Snow progressed, and my team grew, I started to see a clearer picture of what that could look like for me. I realized that if I really made something out of this, I would never have to look at my children and tell them, “Hey, I’m not going, mom has to work.”

I know that the hard work that I choose to put in right now is something I do to build my own dream. It’s going to give me the ability to provide for them and to just be there. It’s going to allow me to be at the parent-teacher conferences, at team home games, or at swim practice. It lets me be there when they come home from school or when they just need someone to talk to. I can be there when they start to show signs of being troubled at some point. And I will be at every damn ice cream social if those still exist, because I CAN, and because I took a risk to start building something on my own. I don’t have to punch the time clock for someone else.

So stop and ask yourself for a minute: Are you just paying bills until you die? Are you missing life? Are you missing those moments that everything is made up of, just so you can bring home a paycheck?

It’s no way to live. Maybe it is for you. But just ask yourself, are you giving your family the life you’ve always dreamed of? Are you there for those precious moments, or are there moments that just tear your heart apart because you’re missing out and things are passing you by?  Are you teaching your kids about disappointment or are you teaching them to LIVE?

THERE IS A WAY OUT. You do not have to live that life. You do have a choice and it’s never to late to change it.

You guys know that I’m right here if you need anything, and I’m always ready to mentor women in this business. I can teach you how to be successful and how to be everything that you want to be – for yourself, your family, and the world around you <3

 

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