I had a moment a couple weeks ago that I didn’t tell anyone about. Eventually I shared it with my husband and my life coach, but I still didn’t have the worlds to convey what I had REALLY experienced.
A few Saturdays ago I was running a simple errand and I found myself in a neighborhood almost an hour away from home, crying, overwhelmed with inexplicable emotion.
It’s been on my heart ever since, and the tipping point of what it all meant happened this weekend, when someone I love deeply threw out an insult he never could have known the weight of.
You see, what I had experienced was a clarity of everything I’ve ever wanted. In that moment, driving down a street I’d never even seen, passing a school I’d never gone to, having just exited a freeway I’d never heard of … I had found home.
Home is a feeling I’ve been missing for a very long time. Any sort of real vision for my life had gotten blurry and I’d gotten detached.
All at once I could see ALL OF IT. I mean every last detail. It still brings me to tears and I can still see it.
I saw our home, myself with our children, looking so happy and healthy, in our front yard, as we said goodbye to their father headed off to work. I waved at a neighbor who we had just had a great Sunday BBQ with the weekend before. I felt the community and connection and love.
Our sons played football at that high school, and you know we were both at every game. We had friends at the school, the other involved parents, and it was like we shared a secret that other parents didn’t know. Something special about being there for every single moment, big or small.
I was happy, I was at peace, and I mostly was proud. Proud of our family, our home, my body, and the life we had built. I could feel it so deeply and it was so real, I cried, alone, in my car, in strange neighborhood, like a straight up crazy person. Talk about some sh*t LOL.
This vision got me through my 21 day detox, it was what had me at the gym the day after I was done and at the grocery story at 11 pm last night. This vision is why I was on a business training call Saturday morning, instead of sleeping in during the snowstorm in Tahoe. This vision is what kept me on track of our budget through the whole vacation.
You see, I know exactly what I have to do in order to see that vision come true, and none of it is going to be easy. That’s all small potatoes though, compared to the real fears.
The fear of rejection. The fear of loneliness. The fear of not being liked. The fear of not being respected. The fear of criticism. The fear of never being good enough. You know the ones. The ones that we let rule most our lives.
Someone really important to me called my career a pyramid scheme on Sunday. He was only half joking. Hell, he may not have been joking at all. It was the first time I’d ever let that hurt.
I’ve also had a few people ask me if I was still coaching recently, which was really confusing, because I do it full time and I have never stopped. I’ve been struggling to find the disconnect.
I realized though, that I’d lost some confidence when I lost my vision, and I’ve stopped sharing. I’m still here every day, inspiring, telling stories, blogging, running groups, doing anything I can to make the world a better place, but I’ve shut my mouth about the part of my career that is going to make MY VISION POSSIBLE.
I stopped shouting from the rooftops my love for what I do, my team, and my company, to make everyone else more comfortable. I’ve started caring about people thinking less of me, instead of having that deep pride in what I do.
THAT IS OVER.
I love what I do. I am so fulfilled changing lives. I have the most incredible friendships from this journey, I am proud of the company I represent. I am grateful for the opportunity I’ve been given, and I’m on a mission to pay that forward to as many people as possible.
My life has been forever changed and I will not be quiet about it.
I don’t owe you anything. I have not promised anyone I’d be anyone but me. It’s not my job to placate the people who would rather see people fail. This is my social media, this is my vision, this is MY LIFE, and I will share what I want. It will be your choice to stay or go.
I only have one shot at making it the most incredible life possible, and I will not choose to live small.
My DREAMS are bigger than my FEARS.
Are you with me???