Am I Defective or Do I Just Need to Own It?

I wanted to update you all on my post from about a month ago, saying I was worried about being depressed, and reaching out to a therapist here in Austin.

LOL … BEFORE I go into this, please understand that I don’t actually think anyone close to me is an a$$hole, however this is the exact quote I thought of when I had my light bulb moment about this last month.

Oddly enough, not one of the 6 therapists I reached out to, called me back.

I realize most people would have been upset about that, but I’ve learned not to push when things don’t fit, and I assumed it was because I wasn’t meant to start working with any of them.

Well I had an appointment with my midwife, like a regular one, at the start of the month last month. I told her about my feelings and thoughts.

It turned out that all that was actually happening, is I was choosing to feel badly, about not being what other people wanted me to be.

Once I owned my feelings, set some really clear boundaries with some key people, and got the validation that I wasn’t in fact crazy lol, I was totally fine.

What I needed was for people to stop putting their expectations and emotions on me, or even better, more in my control, stop giving a sh*t.

Once I was clear that no one else got to ask me if I was excited yet, that no one else was allowed to ask me about things I wasn’t ready for (nursery furniture, baby showers, and so on), AND my husband was NOT allowed to speak about how “other moms” seemed about their pregnancies, all my sadness vanished.

Here is the thing though, I had to 1) realize I had an issue 2) figure out said issue by talking it out, and 3) be VERY clear with my needs, with no room for misinterpretation.

Can you say awkward!?!

ALL of that was obviously very uncomfortable.

However, it was NOT more uncomfortable than spending each day believing that something was wrong with me. That I was like a defective pregnant person or something.

This allowed me to find my own way, and my voice, which has actually helped some other women around me.

So, if you find yourself thinking something is wrong with you and it’s leading to negative feelings of depression, make sure you don’t just automatically assume nothing can be done.

Do the work, own your feelings, and then TELL PEOPLE what it is you want. If they don’t respect it, they don’t deserve a spot in your life.

In my case, although it didn’t sit well with most, they still agreed and it’s been smooth sailing ever since =)

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