I have been pretty quiet on social media lately. There isn’t anything wrong, I’m just working and serving, quietly and consistently.
The past year of my life has been one of the most humbling I’ve ever grown through. I you know I have had some hard years, some depressing years, some drunk years LOL. Humility has absolutely been the theme of my most recent growth path.
In 2013 I was a Top 10 Coach. I was consumer debt free. I started the year in incredible shape. I set records and hit milestones and everything was going “right”. My team was growing, checks were growing, debt and waistline were shrinking.
The setbacks I experienced since seemed to come one right after another. I found out I have thyroid, cortisol and adrenal issues from all the years of terrible abuse I put my body through before I started this journey. I put on 35 pounds and then was ordered not to work out for 4 months. I also got ahead of myself on some financial choices and slipped back into old habits with money. I stepped back from my business, under the impression it was ready to “run itself” and I had “made it”. It was an overall recipe for disaster.
It has been humbling to tell friends I can’t go somewhere or do something because we have other financial goals. It has been humbling to not want to post pictures because I’m not at my old “after”. It has been humbling to watch coaches give up on themselves because I wasn’t around.
As things started to fall apart I started to think that things were not fair, wonder why this was happening, and look outside myself for reasons. After all that hard work, was it not yet my time to “take a break” I wondered.
It wasn’t. It never will be. I am here to serve.
I had to take a lot of responsibility and face some hard truths when I started 2015. I found myself at a crossroads, where I had to decide if I wanted to fight for the dreams I had built, or walk away and find another path in life.
I am sure from the outside that seems like an easy decision. I think we also know the ego is powerful thing. It is hard for me to admit that my income is lower, my team is smaller, my weight is higher, and frankly my dreams a little less shiny.
It is always easier to look at how far I have to go, instead of how far I have come. It always comes back to how much bigger it is than me. I have a purpose and I need to fulfil it, at all costs.
I have been incredibly blessed to share this journey with some women that I know were placed in my life for a reason. Through some self-reflection, and some hard moments, I made the decision to rebuild.
I had to make the decision to take responsibly for the fact that I was not being given more, because I had not been faithful with what I had been given. I made the choice to apologize where it was appropriate, to be vulnerable with others, to set goals that weren’t going to win me any awards and do the work that no one would notice. To take tasks back that had once been delegated, and to change my approach with how I did a lot of things.
The first time I heard that concept was from Dani Johnson, and not being religious I had no idea it was from the bible. I actually had to have some friends help me find the right translation I was looking for. It is in my head all the time. Every email I answer, every Facebook post, every hand written card to a coach, or postcard from Hawaii it’s with me. I take it into every meal I make, every workout I do, and every video chat I’m on. I just want to do the small things with excellence and love; it is a reflection of what I would be able to do with more.
I constantly have to remind myself that how I do anything, is how I do everything, and only my best will be rewarded with more. I am not where I wanted to be right now in my fitness, finances or business and that is my fault. My actions clearly showed that I was not ready for any of it.
For the past few months I have been working. Quietly, steadily, and gratefully serving the world around me and taking care of my body. I am not perfect, nor do I think I ever will be, but I am on the right path and I feel lucky to be learning this lesson.
This post is in no way meant to be a downer. I am not seeking encouragement or anything like that. Actually, most of you know I’ve lost 25 pounds already, and that I’ve restarted budgeting with Total Money Makeover. My team is thriving, my business is growing, money is getting less tight while the glutes are getting tighter 😉 I have some incredible women that I can’t imagine my life without and my marriage is amazing. Overall things are amazing, and I am grateful every day.
I am posting this because I hope if any of you are struggling with not having something you want, you stop, and reflect today.
Are you being your best self so that you deserve those things? Are going above and beyond in your job, so you will deserve of that promotion? Or are you being critical and blaming your boss? Are you being an incredible wife, so that you are blessed with an incredible husband and marriage? Are you carefully watching your money and giving back, so that you will receive even more financial freedom? Are you being given opportunities to become better, and turning them down because “it will never work”? Do you stop and listen to your children’s words, so that they stop and listen to yours? Are you wishing or praying for things you aren’t willing to work for?
You get my point: Are you being faithful with very little, so that you will be given the opportunity to be faithful with much?
Just my thoughts on a quiet Monday afternoon <3