When I found myself divorced, bankrupt, obese and suicidal at only 28 … I made a list. Yep the only way I knew to hold it together when my life had fallen apart was by making a list LOL. When I realized I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, or what purpose my life served, I had to DO SOMETHING, so I made a list.
Some things never change.
This past Monday night I was up into the middle of the night making a list. A list very similar to that first one.
What would someone who has lost 110 lbs., built a six figure business, and is happily married, need a list like that for?
Let me explain what was on it.
That list was all the things I was going to try. All the new things I was going to do, in order to find out who I was. I had no idea what I was going to do. Everything about my identity had been stripped away. My career, my husband, my friendships, my bank account, none of it made sense. Nothing fit.
I HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS and that list was looooong.
You know what was really cool about that list? I spent almost 7 months checking things off of it. I tried something new every chance I got. In the processes a learned a ton about myself.
I learned I do not like horseback riding or skydiving.
I learned I liked working out and I wanted to be around people, until I didn’t =P I learned that I like a few amazing friends having drinks over good conversation more than I like big crowds. I learned that I prefer 3 day weekends to week long vacations. I learned that I still believed in love.
Heck, I even went to Europe for a couple months and made a lot of very poor decisions that I do not regret in the least LOL. I found my voice, I found my spirit, I found myself, or at least the start of me.
I spent the next few years uncovering more and more of that woman, through personal growth, leadership, business building and fitness. It was INCREDIBLE.
So why the new list? Simply put: It’s time.
You may remember that this page used to be called Amber’s Fitness, and I changed the name a couple years back. I knew at some point that there was so much more for me to share than food and workouts. I KNEW I HAD MORE TO GIVE.
It’s time to find out what that is.
Something has been missing from my soul this past year, and I haven’t yet placed it. Spiritually I need something. The thing is, nothing is wrong per se, something is just not right. There is something on my path I’m missing. I’m meant to be something more and I’m ready to surrender to whatever that is.
I have my list, its short right now, as this is only a few days in the making, but I’m ready to embrace whatever experiences come from it. I’m ready to learn.
I really hope that you’ll follow me as I begin my newest quest. My journey to filling my spiritual void, and finding out, once again, who I am. I hope you’ll be open and supportive as I explore.
I’ll be sharing with you my new experiences, and I hope that you remember from my many posts in the past, that I always #livelabelfree. Nothing I’m doing means I AM any one thing. I’m just a soul, in a human form, experiencing this short life as deeply as possible.
I’ll be touching on sobriety, religion, competitive fitness, connecting to my femininity, causes that touch me, speaking, writing, and more. I’ve always shared with you the WHOLE journey, not just the physical one. I have shared growth in so many areas of my life, this is one I’m excited to share now.
My wish is it inspires you to never stop searching and growing for yourself. Maybe you’ll make your own list.
There is a lot of life out there to be lived, if you get too attached to who you are today, you may never meet the person you were meant to be tomorrow <3
“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it” ~Buddha