When I look at the timeline of when I got divorced, to this moment, I am amazed at how much more I’ve experienced in the last 7 years, than I ever would have if I hadn’t had the pain of my old life ending.
I stayed so long, in a life that didn’t suit me. I never talk poorly about my ex. At the end of the day, he was just as lost and misguided as I was, and we didn’t make it work.
What I do know is that I was not the person I was meant to be when I was choosing a life that held me back.
I can look back now and my messy, confusing, and uncertain new life, actually looks so linear. It’s like the highlights of my life can be bullet pointed:
2009 – This is the year I got divorced and started a fitness journey. I drank a lot, I felt hopeless, lost and confused. Being alone with my thoughts only magnified the depression and uncertainty that I felt. I found fitness as a way to escape from my own thoughts.
2010 – The year I met my husband, sort of lol. We were both just two dysfunctional hot messes who liked to drink and didn’t want to be alone. I kept on that fitness journey at whatever pace newly dating people usually do =P
2011 – The year I started a company. Yep 1.11.11 I became a Coach and started working toward the one thing I wanted. I new community, a new mindset, and a free trip to the Bahmas lol. I did P90X straight through, started a fitness page and free fitness meetup and built myself a tribe to keep me on track.
2012 – The year I hit 110 pounds lost. I was at my thinnest and I went on that trip to the Bahamas looking hot! I even got to do a Beachbody photo shoot AND I got engaged on stage. I started to realize this coaching thing was really paying me a lot and went part time at work.
2013 – The year I was a Top 10 Coach with Beachbody. I hit a six figure income, we built a team of 1000 coaches, I traveled all over the country, and it was THE year of my business. I also did a TON of personal grown and so did Snow. As life got better, WE had to get better too.
2014 – The year I got married! Yep, it was all wedding planning adventures and travel. I saw Belize, Italy, and The DR, not to mention countless places in the US. Dresses, centerpieces, bridesmaids, you name it. 2014 was something special.
2015 – The year we traveled in our car for a year! Yep, we sold everything we owned, including both our cars, bought an SUV and packed up our suitcases, my kitchen and the dog, and went for it.
We covered almost all the states and I got to become a new person every time we stopped in a new city. This is the year we lived the way so many wish they could, absolutely in the moment.
2016 – The year we settled down. Picking a city, looking at homes, focused on starting a family, we have a whole new adventure on our hands here. Building a life, growing up, and creating something all it’s own.
Every year has had it’s own incredible adventure, yet there are two things that stand out here to me:
1) When you look at it like this, it looks effortless.
2) I have lived more in the last 7 years than I would have EVER imagined was possible.
You don’t see the doubt, the pain, the perceived failures, and the loneliness. Nothing about the highlights can ever tell you the hard work, the growth, the change, and the obstacles that were overcome.
There is no place where you can feel the paralyzing fear of making the wrong choice, not being accepted, ending up alone, or having it all blow up in your face.
It looks so pretty.
Here is the thing about life. It’s a f*cking mess. Straight up.
It’s not easy, it’s not fair, and it’s not certain. It isn’t meant to be.
I can look back on these years and make you a list of all the awesome AND I could do the same with all the not awesome. THAT IS LIFE.
I was STUCK. Spending my life the EXACT SAME WAY year after year. Looking forward to vacations and holidays, for some change of the monotony.
Expending all my energy on maintaining the status quo, protecting what I had at all costs, even though it wasn’t serving me.
I could have skipped out on the uncertainty, the unknown, and the fear BUT I WOULD HAVE MISSED EVERYTHING ELSE.
Why are you so intent on keeping things the same when you have NO IDEA what else you could have. IT COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER.
I am not advocating you leave your husband, unless that is something you need to do, but I am advocating you leave yourself. Leave the version of you that is clutching so tightly to life as you know it, that there is no room for what is meant to be.
Life is WAY TOO SHORT for you to have decided who you are going to be at 20, 30, 50, hell even 90.
You have so much more life to live and anything is possible if you are willing to loosen the grip on what you already have.
Change is good. Adventures are meant to be had. YOUR LIFE IS WAITING FOR YOU, you just have to go get it.